A new day has come. You wake up already tired, as usual. As you drink your coffee staring into nothingness, an uncanny thought dares to present itself to your mind: What if you actually live today, instead of merely exist?
For once, you do not chase the subversive thought away. You decide to give it a try. To try and live. Not just survive but do something extra. Something that will fulfill you. Something that will make you feel at least a little pleasure. Just enough to keep you from sinking, to help you hold on.
The hours pass. The fatigue intensifies. You blink, and you realize that the day is already coming to an end, and you have done almost nothing. You have not even finished solving the necessary things, let alone something extra. At the same time, it feels as though days have passed since morning instead of just a few hours.
You cannot wait to go to bed at this point, although you know that sleep never comes easily. If you are lucky, exhaustion will overtake you quickly. If not, you will cry until you run out of tears. You never really know. But intuition tells you it is going to be crying. After all, you failed at living, yet again.
Finally, you fall asleep. You only have a few hours of rest ahead of you, not enough to make a difference. You fall asleep tired, knowing that you will wake up even more tired, but there is nothing you can do about it. At least you have learned to stop having expectations from crazy thoughts. No expectations, no disappointment. Sort of.
